Communication Secret #17
Your perspective matters as much as your message.
For many, settling a disagreement is one of the most stressful situations they experience in a personal or professional relationship. They have an opinion and want it known, but can't seem to make their case, or they get shut down by the other person, or they don't even say it at all, for fear of what may happen.
There is good news! One small shift in the way you communicate will make a tremendous difference in the quality of your relationships, and the results you produce. You see, it isn't just what you say that is important; it is your perspective when you say it.
Think back to the last time you needed to confront someone about a situation. What was your perpsective when you delivered your communication?
Were you smarter, better, justified....right?
Or were you curious, committed, collaborative...open?
I discovered personally, and through my clients, that where you come from when delivering a message is crucial to how it's received. You can say the exact same words and make the exact same points, and they will land differently, depending on where you are coming from. People are extraordinary at reading unerlying intention. It doesn't need to be spoken to be understood, so if you are coming from a place of judgment, the other will instinctively become proctective, often digging in and defending...even if they believe you are right!
One helpful tool is to look for a sign: Is the other person opening up or closing down during your conversation? This will tell you whether you are coming from a commitment to a solution that works for everyone, or from the belief that you are right, good, smart, etc., and the unspoken but heard loud and clear...they are not.
Letting go of judgment will improve the quality of your experience and makes you more approachable. You will be open to more opportunities, and have more people pulling for you and your success.
Differing approaches and viewpoints on "how to get to the mountaintop" are what make the world go 'round, so if you want to improve your collaborative abilities, I encourage you to come more from the perspective of "I have a different take on this" than "I'm right and you're wrong."